Millennia ago, the author of Ecclesiastes – believed to be King Solomon, said that “a faithful friend is the medicine of life”. Turns out he was spot on. Modern research has confirmed that social support has a powerful protective effect on health – being sociable can potentially add years to your life (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2015).
Having people to confide in – people who are available to provide emotional support and with whom we can share social activities – strengthens the immune system, buffers the effects of stress, and protects mental health (Cohen & Wills, 1985; Uchino, 2006). Conversely, being isolated and cut off from friends and social support is associated with higher levels of depression and greater disability arising from chronic illness (Bruss et al., 2024; Office for National Statistics [ONS], 2018; Australian Institute of Health and Welfare [AIHW], 2023).
There is now strong evidence that men who lack social support, and are socially isolated, are at greater risk of developing coronary heart disease, and are substantially more likely to die from all causes than men who have strong social ties (Berkman & Syme, 1979; Valtorta et al., 2016). UK and Australian data show that men, particularly in midlife and later life, are at higher risk of social isolation following relationship breakdown, retirement, and ill health (ONS, 2018; AIHW, 2023).
What is seldom recognised about social support is that, just as men and women are brought up and conditioned in significantly different cultural domains, what constitutes meaningful and effective social support may also differ between them (Taylor et al., 2000; Ashfield, 2011). Women tend to experience closeness and support through opportunities for verbal and emotional self-disclosure, whereas men more often experience social support through shared activity—working or playing side by side—where the activity itself constitutes supportive intimacy (Ashfield, 2011).
Men can benefit greatly from the support that only other men can provide. Who else but other men fully understand the experience of masculinity and manhood? Clinically and community-based evidence suggests that male-only settings can function as safe “ritual spaces” in which men disclose vulnerability, form emotional bonds, and work through personal difficulties in ways that feel congruent with male socialisation (Ashfield, 2011; Kelly et al., 2021). The rapid growth and evaluation of Men’s Sheds in both the UK and Australia provide practical confirmation of these effects (Wilson & Cordier, 2013; Kelly et al., 2021).
Of course, some male-only activities can encourage immature behaviour, just as some all-female ones can. And men must remain considerate of their families and partners when taking time for themselves. But they should not be expected to apologise for needing or seeking forms of social support that are most naturally found in all-male company and shared male activity.
References
Ashfield, J. A. (2011). *Doing psychotherapy with men: Practising ethical psychotherapy and counselling with men*. Australian Institute of Male Health and Studies.
Australian Institute of Health and Welfare. (2023). *Social isolation and loneliness*. AIHW.
Berkman, L. F., & Syme, S. L. (1979). Social networks, host resistance, and mortality: A nine-year follow-up study of Alameda County residents. *American Journal of Epidemiology, 109*(2), 186–204.
Bruss, K. V., D’Inverno, A. S., Kwan, T. W., Purcell, C. A., Wang, Y., & Hunt, A. (2024). Loneliness, lack of social and emotional support, and social isolation among U.S. adults aged ≥18 years—United States, 2023. *Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, 73*(24), 1–8.
Cohen, S., & Wills, T. A. (1985). Stress, social support, and the buffering hypothesis. *Psychological Bulletin, 98*(2), 310–357.
Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., Baker, M., Harris, T., & Stephenson, D. (2015). Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: A meta-analytic review. *Perspectives on Psychological Science, 10*(2), 227–237.
Kelly, D., Steiner, A., Mason, H., & Teasdale, S. (2021). The impact of community Men’s Sheds on the physical health and health behaviours of men: A systematic review. *Health & Social Care in the Community, 29*(6), 1937–1953.
Office for National Statistics. (2018). *Loneliness—What characteristics and circumstances are associated with feeling lonely?* ONS.
Taylor, S. E., Klein, L. C., Lewis, B. P., Gruenewald, T. L., Gurung, R. A. R., & Updegraff, J. A. (2000). Biobehavioral responses to stress in females: Tend-and-befriend, not fight-or-flight. *Psychological Review, 107*(3), 411–429.
Uchino, B. N. (2006). Social support and health: A review of physiological processes potentially underlying links to disease outcomes. *Journal of Behavioral Medicine, 29*(4), 377–387.
Valtorta, N. K., Kanaan, M., Gilbody, S., Ronzi, S., & Hanratty, B. (2016). Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for coronary heart disease and stroke: Systematic review and meta-analysis of longitudinal observational studies. *Heart, 102*(13), 1009–1016.
Wilson, N. J., & Cordier, R. (2013). A narrative review of Men’s Sheds literature: Reducing social isolation and promoting men’s health and well-being. *Health & Social Care in the Community, 21*(5), 451–463.