Well, a lot of men don’t think so – and some of them for good reason. And let’s not mince words here: some counsellors should not be counselling men. But there are good counsellors, and many men benefit enormously from counselling.
There’s no doubt that counselling can be really useful for getting some perspective on things and discovering our blind spots. It’s also an excellent tool for making sense of our experience and thoughts which, if left to swirl around in our heads, can end up undermining our psychological wellbeing.
What should you look for in a counsellor? Any counsellor worth their salt should go to a lot of trouble to get you to a place of trust and feeling valued and respected. They will also understand the importance of building a good working relationship with you, even if the counselling process is challenging. In fact, relationship is a big part of the therapy of counselling; it’s almost more important than anything else.
A counsellor will usually and routinely ask you what you hope to achieve from counselling, and roughly how you think they may be able to help. And you have every right to expect that your experience, how you have come to view the world, and who you are as a person, will be considered vitally important in any process of trying to help you.
A good counsellor should make a real effort to understand you and your circumstances. Only then can they help you to make sense of your experience and problems, in order to help you make informed decisions, and engage in problem solving and change. The counsellor should be able to provide constructive and practical information, tailored strategies, and support along the way in putting them into practice and assessing their value.
Most men have little time for the sort of counselling that seems endlessly circular, insists on raking over feelings, and doesn’t give something to work with. And that’s fine, but there is still real value in trying to ‘get inside’ your experience and making sense of how you function; all at your own pace and in your own words. It really pays to get involved and steer things in the direction you want them to go, because how you experience the process of counselling, and how you engage with it, are two things that will significantly determine how well it works for you.
It’s perfectly reasonable, when considering whether or not to see a particular counsellor, to ask them whether they have a good grasp of men’s issues and psychology. If they don’t, you may end up being disappointed. This goes for male or female counsellors. And there is nothing to stop you asking around, to find out who has a good track record before you even sign up for the first session.
If you are thinking about counselling, remember it may have a lot to offer, so long as you find a suitable counsellor and then you make the counselling process work for you.