Surely one of the most frequently uttered male exasperations in any language must be: “I’m not a mind-reader” – or something to that effect. When world-renowned female gender gurus can’t even answer the question: “what do women really want?” how the hell are men supposed to figure it out? Don’t “watch this space”.
All we do know for sure is that what more than a few women want is changeable, and if we can’t lock onto their baffling maneuvers like a heat seeking missile, then they may well fly past us going in the opposite direction. All too often men are caught completely unaware that their female partner’s expectations of the relationship have radically changed. Men are also left wondering how their “poor communication” is held entirely responsible for the rift.
Both sexes appear to start out with similar agendas: a house, car, kids, holidays – happy families. But once the frenetic activity of nest building and raising young is mostly accomplished, women may start to feel redundant – and become restless. In fact, we now know that nearly as many women admit to experiencing a mid-life crisis as men (Robinson & Wright, 2013; Australian Bureau of Statistics, 2015). Men of course have their work and, anyway, need to stick to its routine to be able to provide (Office for National Statistics, 2022; Workplace Gender Equality Agency, 2025). Most women still prefer men to remain the full-time providers. (YouGov, 2018; Australian Institute of Family Studies, 2015) but by doing so, are men at risk of unwittingly blending into the very ordinariness from which women feel the need to escape?
Most men are only just beginning to comprehend the reality that women now have more choices, freedom and money than at any time in history – and that they’re prepared to use them. And it doesn’t help that we’ve all been marinated in the confusion about roles and relationships – courtesy of decades of gender experiments gone wrong. What women want, what they are encouraged to want, and what they sometimes choose – but then realize they don’t really want… yes, it is beyond mere men to figure out.
Men simply have to become more proactive in their relationships than in the past: monitoring the emotional temperature, satisfaction levels, and becoming adept at new and subtler forms of communication. The need to adapt to major changes across the life of a relationship must now be taken for granted. There is simply no room anymore for the old strategy of denial.
Men also need to clarify and communicate their own expectations, needs, and aspirations – being clear about what they can and are prepared to compromise, without losing their own sense of integrity, dignity, and manliness. Agreeing now and fuming later is a very bad idea.
There are definitely things for men to take charge of here, not only to avoid becoming the bewildered casualties of changing relationships, but also in order to give relationships a sporting chance of survival. Tiresome as it may be, there’s simply no choice but for old dogs to learn new tricks.
References
Australian Bureau of Statistics. (2015). General Social Survey: Summary Results, Australia, 2010 (Cat. no. 4159.0). https://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/abs%40.nsf/0/8D0713D229579D3CCA25791A0082C403?opendocument
Australian Institute of Family Studies. (2015, August 25). A quarter of parents prefer a male “breadwinner”. https://aifs.gov.au/media/quarter-parents-prefer-male-breadwinner
Office for National Statistics. (2022, July 22). Families and the labour market, UK: 2021. https://www.ons.gov.uk/employmentandlabourmarket/peopleinwork/employmentandemployeetypes/articles/familiesandthelabourmarketengland/2021
Robinson, O. C., & Wright, G. R. T. (2013). The prevalence, types and perceived outcomes of crisis episodes in early adulthood and midlife: A structured retrospective-autobiographical study. International Journal of Behavioural Development, 37(5), 407–416. https://doi.org/10.1177/0165025413492464
Workplace Gender Equality Agency. (2025, November 27). WGEA Gender Equality Scorecard 2024–25. https://www.wgea.gov.au/publications/australias-gender-equality-scorecard
YouGov. (2018, November 1). Four in ten men in heterosexual relationships feel a responsibility to earn more than their partner. https://yougov.co.uk/society/articles/21513-four-ten-men-heterosexual-relationships-feel-respo