We’re all familiar with the stereotype of the man who reaches mid-life, starts dressing and behaving in a way that is an embarrassment to his children, and trades his wife in for a younger model. Stories of this kind are not known for their happy endings. Unfortunately, there’s no known formula for recapturing a lost or misspent youth and surviving the mid-life blues.
Thankfully, research suggests that the so-called “mid-life crisis” is by no means inevitable; in fact, only a minority of adults report experiencing such a crisis, and many men do not experience one at all (Infurna et al., 2020; Nature, 2024). And whether mid-life turns out to be a disaster or a plus, largely depends on how it’s tackled. Certainly, men in their 40s or 50s may find themselves grappling with feelings of dissatisfaction at the way life has turned out, and with the awareness of ageing and time passing them by. They may feel locked into a sense of being ordinary and expendable or condemned to a job or lifestyle that seems trivial and deadening. Lots of things can trigger such feelings – for example: upheaval at work, relationship difficulties, signs of ageing, or a milestone birthday. Changes in sex hormones, body physiology and sleep, may also be associated with the challenge of mid-life experience.
How can you best survive the mid-life blues? The most pivotal thing may be whether you choose to take a long hard rational look at things (and your options), or instead opt for a knee-jerk reaction, or the mire of defeatism.
Though there’s no way of recapturing a lost youth, mid-life can be a much-needed wake-up call for you not to miss a second chance at becoming the kind of person that you’d most like to be. The beginning of the “afternoon of life” doesn’t have to be dogged by wistful regrets. It can be an energising fresh start and a new beginning. It may involve significant lifestyle change, sorting out issues in a relationship, re-training, or maybe a plan to change jobs . It may challenge you to review and enliven life, rather than just being carried along as a numbed and defeated victim of it.
Much about our experience as men can only be shared with and understood by other men. Only men understand the secret fears that go with the territory of masculinity. So, getting some conversation going with other men can be a huge help. And there’s nothing wrong with dreaming of breaking free. As Clint Eastwood once put it: “If you don’t live out the wild part of you, it’ll eat away at your heart”. The trick is to find a way to do that, which is thoughtful rather than impulsive; truly worthy of us and helpful to us, rather than just a quick fix followed by disappointment.
References
Infurna, F. J., Rueter, M. A., & Zarit, S. H. (2020). Midlife in the 2020s: Opportunities and challenges. Psychological Inquiry, 31(2), 89–104. https://doi.org/10.1080/1047840X.2020.1757558
Nature. (2024). The midlife crisis is not universal. Nature. https://doi.org/10.1038/d41586-024-03486-z