If your fantasy is to partner up with a gorgeous woman whose dad owns a pub, chances are, even if such a specimen exists, some other lucky chap will have got there before you anyway. You may have greater success going after a more available member of the opposite sex. But being a complicated undertaking, you may need a few pointers.
First of all, it’s vital to be realistic – because the kind of woman you’re capable of attracting is the kind of woman you’ll likely have a chance with and be comfortable with. You also need to be yourself – which is who you are when you’re sober. If you or others don’t like who you are, then you’ll need to work seriously on that. Pretending is never a good idea because eventually you’ll be found out.
If you’ve spent a lot of time alone, you’ll probably need to get lots of practice at learning to be confident and appropriate in a variety of social situations – which will also help you to be less needy and more self-sufficient. Boring as it may sound, most singles must first learn to be successfully single before they’re ready for a relationship. Desperate and needy, like too much aftershave, is overpowering and repellant to others, and begs the question: what’s wrong with this guy?
If you see an opportunity to make contact with a woman, be thoughtful and discrete and don’t tell all your friends and give them chance to make a joke of it. If you’re really nervous, you could ask a female friend when and how best to make a move. On occasions they may even be able to act as a go between to smooth the way. But remember, you can’t avoid the possibility of being turned down. You may have to get used to that – and how it makes you feel. You may have to learn how to push through disappointments if you’re to be emotionally ready for your next opportunity. You will have to get some tone into your emotional muscles.
Use an opportunity for conversation with a woman to build a connection, to build on what she has to say, and to show you are a good listener. Don’t show off, and only talk about yourself and your interests in moderation. If you have to rely on alcohol, it’s back to first principles: you’ve probably got more work to do on yourself and your skills.
Lastly, if you must use internet dating or an introduction agency, do it thoughtfully, and be sensible, honest, and not “full of yourself”. If you get a suitable date, remember, the other principles here still apply.
Dealing with the opposite sex can certainly be a bewildering business. But despite all the effort and the mishaps along the way, it’s a good bet that the drought will break if you persevere.