Despite decades of sexual liberation, social freedom, cheap contraception, and equal rights, most people will still tell you that they think sexual infidelity is abhorrent1,2. But do they practice what they preach? Well, no, many don’t. And despite men being traditionally in the frame as adulterers, according to research women are no more virtuous or faithful3. And though it may be hard to believe, a sizable number of men and women cheat on their partners3,4. Any wonder when couples turn up for marriage counselling, it usually means that trust is so shattered that assistance with separation is often the outcome5.
Disordered sexual desire is notorious for having terrible consequences. Despite all pretensions of intelligence, as humans, we still tend to allow primitive urges to hold sway. And it would seem that most people’s deep desire for a loving, long-term companion and happy family isn’t always a sufficient counterbalance.
Sadly, detecting infidelity is becoming a big business – with infidelity test kits, listening devices, phone recorders, and tracking devices readily available. There are now even polygraph services that your spouse can send you to, to give you an opportunity to prove your innocence. The odds of being busted are increasing.
Often underestimated in the excitement of infidelity is the likelihood of putting out unwanted and unwitting clues and telltale signs. There is always a good chance of being found out. When that happens, the effects are often powerful and destructive. Infidelity almost invariably has victims. It commonly breaks hearts, destroys trust, and contributes to family breakdown5,6. Even if a relationship holds together afterwards, it can take years of effort to rebuild trust.
Being tempted to have an affair usually indicates that a relationship is in difficulty. Seriously exploring options for fixing a relationship—or ending it if that’s what truly needs to happen—is worth considering before taking the infidelity plunge.
As men, we are faced with many difficult choices. But this is one we really do need to consider seriously, and well before we become inebriated by powerful sexual chemistry.
Try the game of deceit and secrecy if you wish, but the only real guarantee against not being busted is not to cheat in the first place.
References
1. British Social Attitudes Survey. (2023). National Centre for Social Research.
2. YouGov UK. (2023). Attitudes to infidelity.
3. Institute for Family Studies. (2022). Who cheats more? The demographics of infidelity.
4. Relationships Australia. (2022). Infidelity and relationships survey.
5. Office for National Statistics (UK). (2022). Divorces in England and Wales.
6. Australian Institute of Family Studies. (2021). Divorce and separation statistics.