Life for a lot of single men in rural and remote areas can be very lonely and unhappy. And it rarely occurs to people who are married or attached, just how difficult it is for some single men to get through each day with the painful ache of being alone, not being able to say anything about it, and not knowing what to do about it. For quite complex reasons, few other personal issues seem to have as much potential for embarrassment and “beating up on oneself” as not being able to find a partner. But this is a genuine issue challenging psychological wellbeing, and it’s not one we can afford to laugh off or ignore.
With so many young women departing for city education or work opportunities – leaving behind those young men who decide to stay because they hope for a future in industries like fishing, agriculture, or mining, there is a problem of simple mathematics: too few potential female partners for available single males. In a country like Australia experiencing the thinning of rural populations in many areas, due to the diminishing number of smaller land holdings, is adding to the dilemma. Highlighting and openly talking about this mathematical reality may prove to be the best way of putting the problem in perspective and significantly diminishing its stigma and embarrassment for single males.
Various efforts have been made to bring singles together. But one-off events, though successful for some, may leave others feeling less rather than more competent, for not having succeeded with that one opportunity. Creating opportunities for single men to meet women through reputable introduction agencies (rather than just online) may well prove to be the most effective and sustainable way of helping them to become suitably partnered.
Many single men also need to be coached in some of the subtle competencies required for approaching and engaging women more effectively. Too often their attempts are undone by fairly rudimentary mistakes – including the overuse of alcohol, and the wrong use of opportunities for conversation – like the tendency to only talk about work, rather than things that might build rapport and provide a basis for female interest.
Much more effort will also need to go into exploring new potential arrangements of relationships, that don’t demand that interested non-rural/remote women necessarily try to adapt to more remote geographic locations in a single leap. Combining the aspects of city/town and more remote living arrangements with periodic traveling may be necessary – including as a long-term compromise, if that’s what can make a relationship possible.
Being single and dateless is no joke; it’s an issue that is profoundly affecting many men. Some changes in traditional social and work-life conventions will be needed. There will be no escaping the need to explore and accept ideas and options that may at first seem foreign and unorthodox.