Most men do value their relationships, but they’re not always very organised when it comes to keeping up with the necessary maintenance – and relationships do need regular maintenance. Often, in an attempt to do the right thing (maybe after a period of neglect), men mistakenly think that an expensive gift or a grand gesture of some sort will put things back on track, when what is really needed is just some plain and simple daily thoughtfulness.
You don’t have to become a fawning wuss or go into hock to buy expensive gifts to keep your wife happy. Some small changes, and sincere and thoughtful daily gestures, will usually suffice to keep your relationship ticking over nicely. Obviously, it’s not all down to you, but you just might find some of the following suggestions helpful.
Positive communication is vital. Familiarity unfortunately often does “breed contempt” in relationships. It’s all too easy to fall into bad habits: like being overly critical, rude, short, impatient, angry, or inconsiderate; habits that can and need to be reversed. Make a ritual of spending time with your partner – perhaps at the end of each day, to share each other’s experiences, and to give and receive support. Become a genuinely attentive, patient, and interested listener. Avoid the compulsion to lecture, or to try to “fix” everything. Don’t go to sleep before “clearing the air” of any significant daily annoyances or grievances.
Take the time and trouble to express caring gestures: pay a compliment, cook a meal or do one of “her” chores (without expecting her to be grateful), hold hands, snuggle, kiss, use gentle touching – and not just as a prelude to sex (which can lead to your partner pulling away, because how genuine is your affection if it’s only about sex?). Celebrate your partner’s achievements; remember her birthday, Valentine’s Day, or any other occasions meaningful to her. Buy a really thoughtful gift; it doesn’t have to be expensive to be appreciated. Find ways to make her feel valued, special, and loved.
Schedule regular dates on your calendar for you and your spouse to go out and spend time doing something you both enjoy. Going out with others is fine but still schedule dates just for you and your wife – without children. Neglecting to spend time together, in favour of the children’s needs, ultimately benefits no one. Children grow happy and well developed not because they’re doted on, but when they have parents who have a healthy relationship. Holidays are vital as well. Deprived of them, couples are generally less happy and more stressed. Lastly, though stability in a relationship is good, boredom, dullness and routine are pure poison. The only antidotes are fun, passion, laughter, regular new experiences that build strong, positive, lively memories, and a good dose of creative eccentricity.